Mars
by BusyQuill
Summary: A story about Commodus before he was Emperor in his desperate search for love. Now completed. Please Read and Review.
1. Chapter 1: Love him

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Mars

Chapter 1: Love him

Their breath was short and harsh as they lay exhausted in the sticky sheets. She was on her side and he lay proudly on his back as though he was worthy of praise. After a brief moment of self-satisfaction he realised that his mate had not yet spoken to him so he turned his head and looked at her soft, white body. She was so fair, amazingly fair. He moved close to her and stroked her hair that ran down to the small of her back in delicate ringlets.

"You know I have never seen a woman with hair like yours. It is golden like the sun." He smiled as he petted her and she grew cold at his touch. "Out of all my mistresses, I think I may like you most of all." He pressed his lips against her shoulder and kissed it. She moved slightly, but he did not notice. It was true what he said, he had never seen a woman with golden hair, but this was mainly because she was of Swedish nationality but sold as a maid at a young age to one of the senators, who taught her Latin and good manners. How she ended up in the prince's bed, she did not have a clue - it was another of life's little tricks. She had not yet decided on how she felt about the matter, but she was only seventeen. In our day it seems a very young age to be touched, but in Ancient Rome life was very different. "And your eyes, they are so blue - like the ocean." The ocean, it was a distant memory. "And your lips, they are plump and red like cherries." He was looking at her face now. Cherries were a luxury she only enjoyed whilst in his quarters. There was no doubt about it - he treated her well, when his mood was good. "Do you love me?"

This was the question she dreaded being asked. As soon as the words left his mouth she went stiff and rigid and the warmth in the room had vanished along with the air. This he did notice and his anger began to simmer slowly as he awaited her response.

"I don't know." She finally muttered, pulling the sheets close to her body.

"You don't _know_?" he sneered. "What do you mean - _you don't know?"_

"I don't know what love is your highness, how am I to know if I have experienced it?" She didn't look into his eyes, she was afraid to.

"Yes, well..." He seemed to be calmer. "I know that feeling - not knowing what love is. That is the product of loneliness and neglect, and if you have not been loved you won't know what it is. Maybe we could love each other." He was distant, as if he was talking outside of the room. "I don't love you, you know. I just like you especially. But you react to me differently to the other girls. They are fierce and rough, whereas you are soft and kind. It's a different feeling." He moved away from her again and lay upon his back..

"Indeed, you are the only man I have ever been with who even knew my name." She sighed. The senator was the only other man who she had been with, but it was a different situation. He abused her. He called her simply 'girl' but she was more than a girl was and that's how she felt with Commodus - like a woman.

"It's strange as I know not the names of the other women!" He chuckled to himself in an almost manic way. "But your name I always remembered. Amorina. It always reminded me of the sea, and how Venus came to shore in that shell. You're how I imagine her. You're like Venus - in human form." It was a compliment, to be compared to the most beautiful person, goddess in the world. "I always imagined myself as Mars. Strong and full of courage. Is that how you see me?"

"No." She stated clearly. "You have a gentle nature and the God of War does not. You have qualities of all of the gods, especially Bacchus, as you hold cheer in your face."

"Yes, well, I'm not really one for drinking. I believe I am more like Mars." He turned and pressed himself lovingly against Amorina's back. "What do you believe are the great virtues?"

"Well..." She paused, unsure of how to answer, as she never dreamed this question would arise. "Faith, because we all need something to fight for, have we no country nor family. Hope, as without hope we would achieve nothing. Charity, as people are starving and need bread. Fortitude, as a strong mind is a capable one. Justice as all things should be fair. Temperance because overindulgence can be fatal and, well...prudence as we all need to be cautious.." As she listed each one his grip on her grew tighter.

"Do you realise I have none of those, except charity for my people and the hope that my father will love me." He laughed slightly under his breath. "You could be in cahoots."

"Your father does love you Commodus." Amorina said, turning to stoke his cheek.

"He has a strange way of showing it. Do you know that he always wished my sister had been a boy? He never hugged me once. I've lived a very empty life." It was strange how he opened up when his clothes were removed, as if they were some sort of regal shield.

"I will hug you if that is what you wish." She purred, desperate to console him.

"Love me." He almost whispered it and Amorina wasn't sure if he was actually speaking to her. "Please." He seemed so boyish, young and vulnerable. He wasn't asking her to make love to him, this was completely different. He wanted her complete attention, body, mind and heart. He wanted to be loved. He was so amazingly lonely.

"I don't know if I can." She was scared, petrified of where this was leading. She didn't know exactly what he wanted from her, except that he wanted to be loved. But was it her love he actually wanted?

"Then don't." He said is bluntly with no emotion whatsoever.

She took this as her cue to leave and began to clothe herself in her white toga. He wouldn't lay his eyes on her as she pulled back her hair and secured it in place. She walked out of the room without so much as a goodbye or thank you.


	2. Chapter 2: The isolation of the Gods

Mars

Chapter 2: The isolation of the gods

He lay foetal-like, clutching his legs. He was extremely tired and not just from his activities. He felt emotionally drained, for he had never opened up to anyone other than her and his sister, yet he could not receive love from either of them, and in the end that's all he wanted - love.

As the air began to heat up again with the rising of the sun and the smell of summer began to fill the room, Commodus realised he had not had a wink of sleep. He stood and stretched, every muscle in his body flexing and began to dress himself in his robes before walking onto the balcony. This was his life. He never slept well and in the morning the opposite side of the bed was empty. He thought that was another reason his father hated him - because he could not find a wife. He heard footsteps behind him and he turned, seeing his sister standing by the column that bore his name.

"Where is your whore?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Where is yours?" He replied. She smiled and walked over to her brother and they embraced. She felt there was something odd about his hug today, it was not as passionate as it once was, he was cold.

"Did you not sleep?" Said she, examining the circles under his eyes.

"Not tonight." He smiled faintly. "I was thinking."

"Like all great men?" She mused.

"Of course!" He turned away and looked out upon the city. "It's strange. People walk around with security - because they are loved."

There it was again - _that_ word. For some reason it was all her brother could speak of since his twelfth birthday - love.

"All creatures are loved by the gods." She assured him.

"But sadly, not I, because I am unnatural." He looked at her with pain in his eyes.

"You know father was only angry when he said that." She defended her father, like everyone else.

"Indeed." He sneered. "I'm leaving now. It's time for me to walk the streets once more." He stated.

"You're obsessed with the streets." It was almost like she was degrading him.

"It's where the people are - _our_ people." He stressed the word. It was something lacking in emperors - the desire to mix and talk to the people they were supposed to care for. In his mind, you could not rule an empire without talking to the citizens to uncover their problems. He knew the Senators were the voices of the people, but he wondered how much they actually cared for them, as they strutted around with their clean robes, full stomachs and young mistresses as the people they were supposed to speak for were dying of disease and starvation. No, they were not the voice of the people - they were the voice of themselves.

He was about to perform an act that people would adore him for - he would give food to the first beggar he saw. That was one of the virtues - charity.

So he ventured out onto the street where myriads of people were pushing their way about without a real care for others. It made him jump back slightly at the uncultured manner in which they acted. Didn't they know who he was?

He managed to pass the Colosseum without being harmed, which was where he found his first casualty. A crippled old man scrounging on the floor for crumbs. He was painfully thin, practically invisible next to the well built prince. He was practically naked as his toga were simply rags and his long white beard trailed along the floor.

"Good day sir, what is your ailment?" Smiled Commodus, trying to be friendly.

The man looked up at him with his yellow eyes and curled his lip up like a jack russell about to pounce. Commodus stepped back slightly and held out the bread at arms length. The cripple looked from the bread to the prince, the prince to the bread, so many times it made Commodus ill. Eventually the man snatched the bread from his outstretched hand and spat upon his robes.

"How dare you? Don't you know who you face?" Gasped Commodus, his face beginning to burn.

"I know who I face and I despise all who sit in their palaces growing fat whilst I and my family starve in the streets they barely set foot in." Snarled the man.

Commodus paused a moment, thinking of a reply. "I have fed you, are you not grateful?"

"One loaf of bread is nothing compared to a lifetime eating merely scraps." With that the man hobbled away along with - Commodus noted - the bread.

So that was that, his attempt to be charitable had blown up in his face. The encounter had left him slightly shaken and untrusting of the world outside, so he returned to his quarters in the palace in defeat and humiliation.

"That was quick." Said a low female voice. Lucilla emerged out of the shadows clutching a scroll that her brother immediately looked at. "Don't worry, it's not a death sentence. It's just a story mother wrote a long time ago." Commodus nodded, relieved, although he was sure he would not be sentenced to death. "Tell me what happened."

He walked over the throne, slumped in it and sighed deeply. "I had an encounter." She raised an eyebrow, which urged him to continue. "A man told me he despised me...and that I was fat."

"All rich men have more meat. For food and otherwise." She joked. "Do not dwell on the ramblings of an old man, he is merely bitter because of the actions of his forefathers. He does not know you to despise you."

"Still, I don't like to be told it." He began to bite his nails, a habit he had not yet grown out of. "Is it normal to be surrounded by people and still feel like you're..." He paused. "Alone, naked and in a dark room."

"No." She replied, he understood. "But then again, you're not normal are you?"

He was about to snap back a remark when she vanished, gliding out of the room and back into the shadows like a ghost. He threw back his head and began to think.

"Sire, your father requests your company at dinner." Said a subject with a rifle-straight back.

"Of course." Commodus faked emotion and stood, following the man to the dinner hall. It would do him good to eat something.

The hall was empty except for Lucilla and his father. The food was already set down and he took his place to the left of his father, much to his disliking. The atmosphere was solemn and quiet as he passed his eyes from one face to the other.

"What has happened?" He questioned them suspiciously, Lucilla couldn't know anything he didn't, she couldn't - she's not that quick.

"Well, now that I have both of you here I may as well tell you." Said the Emperor.

"Yes?" He spoke quickly and harshly.

"I am departing from Rome to watch the last battles in Germania." He smiled weakly.

"Is that all? I thought you must have been dying!" Laughed the Prince.

"Well I am, I have been dying now for many long years." Answered Marcus. Commodus rolled his eyes as Lucilla smirked. "As for you and your sister, I would like you to stay here. Gracchus is going to be my voice."

He felt like shouting, yelling, hitting. Gracchus? That incompetent oaf? "Will you excuse me, I seem to have lost my appetite." He rose and left.

"Have I offended him?" The father said to his daughter.

"Of course not, he's just being Commodus." She smirked back. "Is that so bad?"


	3. Chapter 3: Why not he?

Mars

Chapter 3: Why not he?

He stormed down the corridor foaming like a bulldog at the mouth and jumped upon his bed where he could hiss and moan in comfort with the anger bubbling inside his stomach.

"Why not me?" He yelled aloud to the empty room, furrowing his brow as his skin turned pink.

"Why not you what?" A feminine voice answered from nowhere.

He sat bolt upright, pulling the dagger out from under his pillow in bewilderment. "Who's there?"

Amorina emerged from the void and kneeled by his bed. He sighed deeply with relief and lay back down so he could look at her, sliding the dagger back where it once rested. "I am glad you are here, I need company."

"Because you're afraid of the dark?" She smiled. He told her everything when they shared nights, she supposed it was because she was the only one who wanted to listen.

"It's hardly surprising as everyone keeps jumping out of it!" He chuckled. "Why are you here?"

"I was lonely, rattling around. I needed a friendly face to communicate with. He is on his way to Germania where he will meet your..." She began.

"Father." Commodus sneered. "Yes, he had the pleasure of telling me. When he is gone he will leave none other than Gracchus as his spokesperson."

"I cannot think of anything you would hate more!" She replied. "_He_ is leaving so he may council Caesar whilst he is out of the heart of the empire."

Once again he lay upon his back - proud and dignified. The room was hot and close in the summer night and sweat trickled down his face. He wanted someone to congratulate him on a job well done, but he had done nothing to be appreciated or applauded . Amorina now stood at the foot of the bed and looked upon his face. He was smiling faintly with some sort of hidden joy, which made her smile as it was a rare occurrence that his frown would be turned upside down.

"I did my best." He muttered.

"You always do." She nodded her head in response.

"But it wasn't enough. Still they despise me, detest me...hate me." He struggled to say the last words as they cut in to him deeper than a knife.

"The people will love you." She reassured him.

"Will they?" He was sceptical. "It's becoming less likely by the day" He seemed so mellow and unsure of himself.

"Your people _will_ love you." She repeated it, what more could she do? Her pale blue robes fluttered in the warm breeze that was greatly needed from the window.

"Show me your love, seal it." He practically hissed the words. She was unsure as to what he meant. "Seal it. Seal _your_ love for me with a kiss."

She climbed gracefully onto the bed, her skin shimmering in the candle light and pressed her red lips against his before lying her head gently upon his shoulder where he lifted a hand to softly stroke her hair.

"Do you love me?" She whispered.

"I'm trying." He replied earnestly.

"I see." She felt foolish for asking.

"Is that not enough? I am fond of you and you told me you did not love I, is that not so?" He also felt like a fool.

"I understand." She began to stroke his robed chest and nuzzled into his neck.

He looked at her hands. "I am tired."

"Then let us sleep." She rested her hand upon his breast and relaxed her head on his torso once more.

"Yes." He murmured, placing his free hand upon hers.

"Commodus." A strong female voice roused him from his dream. It was his sister who looked none too pleased.

"Yes?" He replied with equal strength.

"Come with me." She commanded.

"Why?" He challenged her.

"Because I need you." She emphasised each word individually.

He examined her face, she looked vexed and he would hate to be on the wrong side of her. He contemplated staying, challenging her commands, after all - he was the heir, was he not? But he could not do it, he could not send her away without hearing what she had to say. He loved her too much - he was devoted to her. He shuffled carefully out of his bed in the hope that Amorina would not awaken and followed his sister into the library, where musty books filled the walls.

"Why did you bring me to this terrible place? Full of Republican nonsense." He looked at every shelf of his father's collection.

"It will be yours one day." She informed him.

"And I shall burn it to the ground." He fixed a level stare upon her. "What is it you want?"

"I want you to stop behaving like a child!" She shouted at him, it was the first time he could remember her shouting at him.

"How dare you imply that I am acting juvenile?" He growled.

"Because you are! Don't worry, I shall let you get back to your woman." She sneered. "But first I will tell you to listen to father in future - don't just leave like a tyrant child!"

"I do listen to him, but he never gives me a chance!" He shouted back.

"He would give you a chance if you would give him one." She finished the argument - she had won. "Now, I know it is early but I am retiring to my chamber." She walked out.

He was especially angry now that both were against him. He marched into his room and began to pace the floor whilst tapping his chin with his index finger. How dare she imply that he was childish and did not give his father a chance. He loved his father and listened to everything he had to say - it was his father who would not listen to he, he did not seem fond of him.

"Are you alright?" Asked Amorina, sitting up.

"Yes, I'm fine." He didn't bother to apologise for waking her. "Everyone's against me."

"Who is?" She pulled him to sit on the bed.

He placed his head in his hands and began to weep tearlessly. "Father and Lucilla." He looked at her elegant face and grinned with an air of sadness. She was so attentive when he was upset and when he was happy, angry and quiet. She was and would always be there for him, despite their emotional setbacks. "But I have you." He put his head upon her shoulder like a little boy and lay her back. "I need someone to love me." He ran his hand down her body making her tremble slightly. He gazed up to see her reaction and moved on top of her, thinking that sailing was clear. She gripped the sheets as he began to kiss her neck tenderly.

"Commodus." She gasped, grabbing the back of his head. "I'm tired."

He now felt disappointed and rejected, on top of the feelings he had released in conversations with his family, but something was telling her not to go ahead and she always trusted her instincts.

He half-heartedly lay upon her shoulder once more and they decided to sleep that night.


	4. Chapter 4: Colosseum

Mars

Chapter 4: The Colosseum

There he lay like a little boy grasping his woman as if his life were dependant upon it. He dreamed he was married to her and every night they confessed their undying love as he held his son and heir in his strong arms. His father had sadly passed away in the company of him with the last words 'I am proud of you' on his lips and when he was proclaimed emperor the people cheered and loved him and he was their father. The wedding followed quickly in which the people rejoiced and his sister wept with joy and jealousy at the loss of her 'beloved' brother.

When Amorina opened her eyes she took a second to realise where she was, then looked down upon the smiling face that drooled on her shoulder like a baby. She slipped out quietly from under him and kissed him upon the head. The sensitivity of her kiss revived him from his slumber and he took her hand and returned the favour.

"Is it morning already?" He enquired with a yawn.

"Yes." She answered. "Unfortunately."

"Kiss me." He commanded with gentility.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because I want you to. It would be a nice way to start the day." He reasoned. She responded with what he asked for. "I have to meet my father."

"I know, would you like me to escort you?" She raised an eyebrow as if secretly mocking him.

"Of course not, my father would hate such a thing!" He exclaimed.

She was slightly hurt, but masked it with joy. "Splendid. Then I shall see you again soon."

"Tonight." He cut in.

"Tonight?" She was taken aback.

"I'll need you tonight." His tone was forceful and she nodded in agreement.

"Tonight." She confirmed. "I shall find you..."

"In the Colosseum." He finished her sentence.

"The Colosseum?" It puzzled her as to why he would want to go there.

"Yes." He sat up and kissed her cheek. "Tonight in the Colosseum. I want to show you something."

"I shall be there." She kissed his cheek. "For now, I must depart for home."

"Of course." He wiped an eyelash off her cheek. "Goodbye."

"Goodbye." She departed as he began to dress.

After a long time reading he decided it was time to leave, so he mounted his horse and rode with his father on the long journey to the Mausoleum of Augustus. His stallion was as black as the night and well built, worthy of a prince. He felt split into two minds as they rode, occasionally staring back at his sister who rode a golden horse behind him. He felt ill with the thought of Gracchus commanding in his father's absence, but he reminded himself that it was merely because he was young and that one day he would rule the Empire and be able to despatch the Senators and their ideals of a republican Rome. Lucilla rode up beside him and examined his concerned face and realised he was deep in thought. She reached out and touched his hand, causing him to jump and turn to face her. He smiled sheepishly then kissed her fingertips.

"What are you thinking?" She didn't really care, she just thought he looked lonely.

"Nothing. Just thinking." He replied. "I wonder when he'll return."

"Maybe he won't." She suggested with a sly tone in her voice.

"Perhaps not, but if he does not, I shall do him proud." His chest swelled up with his own arrogance. "Why are you riding out?"

"I love my father and want to see him make his last journey." She informed him. "Where's your blonde girl?"

"Why do you always ask about her? Are you jealous of my intimacy?" He joked.

"Of course not, I have a son whom I would not trade for all of the people in the world. I just ask because I want to know what my brother is doing with his life." She explained.

"Well, it's naught worth bothering about, it's just nicer to share a bed with someone and wake up in their arms." He said glazy eyed. "And nobody else offers theirs."

"Perhaps that is because you do not offer yours." She teased. "Have you grown up today?"

"I never needed to." He snapped. "I do not act like a child, we've established that."

"Indeed." She mocked. "You're a spoiled brat when you want to be."

"Spoiled?" He almost laughed in her face. "When was the last time father hugged you?"

"Last night." She answered.

"Oh, how nice." His tone was patronising. "The last time I hugged him was when I was eight and he was sleeping and I wondered if he had warm blood."

"Commodus, don't be such a drama queen." She growled, he was about to answer when a higher power interrupted them.

"What is the problem offspring?" Shouted Marcus Aurelius from the front.

"Nothing, it's nothing." Said Commodus fixing a stern glare onto his sibling. "Nothing."

They reached the Mausoleum of Augustus, which was to be where Commodus and Lucilla saw their father off. They kissed each cheek coldly and said their uncomfortable goodbyes and turned to leave for home, where Commodus realised the sun was low in the sky and he needed to get to the Colosseum, so he handed over his horse and ran into the arena. He looked in all of the rows for the flaxen individual he was searching for. He was about to give up when he saw her in the Emperors balcony, so off he went to acknowledge her. They embraced momentarily and sat down to look at the empty games amphitheatre.

"I have some exciting news." He beamed taking her hands. "My father has grown frail and I feel that soon I shall become Caesar, so all of my great plans for Rome can take effect."

"But what does this have to do with the Colosseum?" She was confused as to why she was there.

"Because the Colosseum is where it will begin, with one hundred and fifty days of games, Gladiatorial fights, in the name of my father - to honour him." He was buzzing with excitement at his plan.

"But Caesar hates the games, he disposed of them." She could not see the logic behind this!

"But I do not, and I will reintroduce them - for the people." He was charming her, he had that quality that would always make her succumb to his will.

"It will be glorious!" She agreed.

"I know." He smirked back. "Now for home."


	5. Chapter 5: Honour Defended

Mars

Chapter 5: Honour Defended

As they walked back to the palace they talked of all of the wondrous things that would follow Commodus' declaration of leadership. They held hands, which was unusual as under normal circumstances they would be frowned upon for holding hands out of courtship or indeed wedlock, but they felt that nobody would mind with the Emperor absent.

"Don't you find your behaviour a little inappropriate, especially with the young son of your sister in the building." Said Gracchus, appearing from nowhere, as most people in Commodus' life seemed to.

"What behaviour?" Questioned Commodus innocently.

"That!" He pointed to they interlocked fingers.

"We're merely holding hands, if you could think of a better way to escort a young, fragile lady to safety, I'd very much like to hear it." Check mate.

"And where are you escorting her, pray tell?" The old man crossed his arms in front of his chest in an attempt to appear strong.

"I think you forget who you are talking to, this is the heir to the Empire!" Barked Amorina in a sudden display of nerves.

"No, I think it is you who forgets her place - I am ruling Rome in the absence of mighty Caesar." Sneered Gracchus. "Not so fragile now, sire?"

"Why don't you pick out your tomb - you will need one before long." Growled Commodus, leaning forward.

"Oh, don't worry, tombs are plentiful." He cast a glance to Amorina. "Pretty thing isn't she? I might borrow her some day."

"The only thing you shall borrow off me is my sword as I make you plunge it into your ribs." He was growing angrier.

"But she is not yours is she? She belongs to one of the other Senators. Is that not correct?" It was more of a statement than a question and he relished the murderous glint in the young Prince's eyes as he looked the girl up and down. "Yes, very pretty."

Amorina clutched his arm to remind him of her presence, as he would have quickly forgotten she was next to him and would have freely slaughtered the man. It worked, as Commodus nodded to his enemy and walked off leaving him in his bitter indulgence of evil.

"I should have killed him." He was more furious that day than any other day he had rowed with Gracchus - they hated each other, possibly because of the gap in years. "I would have killed him, had you not been there."

Rather than talking to him, she kissed him in an attempt to calm and distract him. He looked down into her eyes and soon forgot what he was yelling about as he ran his hand down her back and kissed her again fervently making his lips ache slightly. She stroked his neck with her nose as he planted kisses along hers savouring the taste of her honey-sweet skin. Emotions had been running high lately and they needed some way to release them and this was the only way they knew how without resorting to violence. They had never spent three nights in a row together until now and they were trying for a fourth as he lay her gently on the bed. They looked into each other's eyes and she began to stroke his hair lovingly. She knew now she was in love with him and wanted to tell him, but she could tell he did not feel the same way about her, she was sure that he did not love her.

The next morning Commodus strangely awoke naturally before Amorina so he simply dressed and left her there, he felt free today. He stretched and wandered into the gardens where he found his nephew sitting alone on a bench attempting to read.

"And what are you up to young man?" He mused sitting by him.

"I'm reading - I can read, you know." He seemed eager to appear intelligent, which amused Commodus.

"I know. And where is your mother?" He put a protective arm around the boy.

"She's still asleep. She was crying last night." Lucius said without care.

"What was she crying about?" Asked Commodus, concerned.

"Father I think, she always cries about father." He informed his uncle, who knew nothing about the tears.

"Well later we shall cheer her up." He smiled. "What is it you are reading?"

"I am reading about Gaius." He looked up at his uncle. "Caligula. Do you know anything of him? I only know he was called Caligula because of his sandals."

"His boots. He wore different boots, small ones, so he was called Caligula." Commodus took the book off the boy. "I do not think it is wise for you to read about him before you learn of Augustus Caesar. Gaius did some terrible things you could have nightmares about."

"It's alright. It's history." The boy was surprisingly bright and convincing, but Commodus closed the book and placed it down next to them.

"Would you like to see history?" He tempted his nephew.

"Of course, but how can you see history?" Asked the puzzled boy.

"Quite easily - open your eyes." He lifted the boy on to his back and carried him out of the palace. He was going to look forward to this, he needed to share his vision with the future and children were the future and as Lucius was the only child he knew he decided to take him.

Lucius was sparkling with delight and wonder as his uncle carried him off to 'see history'. He hoped that they were going to a temple where Jupiter would permit them to travel backwards in time, but his eyes opened wider as they entered the glorious Colosseum and he struggled to take in the magnificent view.

"Is this not amazing? Is this not history!" Enthused the prince, setting his nephew down. "If I were a boy I would long to enter the Colosseum and stand upon the golden sand where men fought and died for our ancestors! For their entertainment!"

"What could be entertaining about death?" Lucius asked.

"Plenty. They gave their lives for the happiness of others and thousands of people cheered for them in the rows as they stained the floor with their blood. Oh yes, the Colosseum was where everything happened, poor mixing with rich and men mixing with boys - it was amazing." He was brimming with delight.

"So why are there no fights now?" Questioned Lucius.

"Because Father did not like men dying for pleasure - but the gladiators had nothing to live for. Do you understand?" He felt concern growing that his nephew would not emphasise with him.

"Yes, I see the glory. I would very much like to see this place alive again." He grabbed a handful of sand and let it drip through his fingers.

"And you will, you will my boy." Commodus said mirroring his nephew. "You will."

They stayed in the Colosseum wrestling until the sun was very high in the sky then retired back to the dining hall where they ate with Lucilla, who heard everything of the Colosseum and the wonder and glory that went on there. Lucilla, however, did not agree with every word, although she enjoyed a good display of strength. Commodus did not tell his secret of his plans once his father passed away - he would save that for a later date when the time was more appropriate. He could not wait until he took control of the Empire and brought about his magnificent vision.


	6. Chapter 6: I Promise

Mars

Chapter 6: I Promise

The space next to her was vacant and the air smelled of blood and roses. She opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling, wondering what she would do now she had nobody who could command or advise her. She paused for a few moments and slid out of bed in order to make a promising start to the day that would hopefully be a busy one. A toga lay draped across a chair in the corner and it bore her name, obviously intended for her, but it was red - the colour of the gods, she could not wear it, could she? If she didn't Commodus would not be happy but if she did the senators wouldn't, but as the senators had no real power as he was heir, she clothed herself in it. As she looked into the mirror, she could not believe what she saw; she almost looked human.

The birds outside seemed to be calling out to her, beckoning her to follow them. As she stepped out into the exterior, she realised it was noon. She skulked in the shadows of the buildings and walked down the back alleys in order to return to her home. She always felt like she should not be spotted leaving the palace and now she was there frequently it was even riskier. She managed to reach the house without being scathed and walked inside.

A hand was pulled quickly over her mouth and a knife held to her throat. She tried to scream but the grip was too tight and the adrenaline coursed through her veins as if they might explode at any given moment whilst she struggled against her attacker. She felt the warm breath of the man on her neck as he put his mouth by her ear and began to warn her: "Stop struggling, stop. You'll only endanger yourself more." Tears began to spring forth from her eyes silently as she went limp in his grasp. All she felt was utter despair and remorse, she didn't ask to be brought into this. "I have a message for you. If you don't stay away from the prince, you will be disposed of, am I making myself clear?" She nodded her head and sobbed, he jerked her. "Am I making myself clear?"

"Yes." She managed to blurt out coherently despite the hand. She was thrown across the floor and the man ran out, leaving her wretched form breaking into pieces as she wept.

Commodus sat by the window staring out at the world that would soon bow before his feet. It was strange, but he felt as if it was only a dream, a distant dream, but he knew he was heir. Nothing could destroy his Utopia. The moon had come out from hiding before the sun had left, so he knew the night was drawing in to disturb the beauty of the sun lit streets. He had sent for Amorina about an hour ago and was now growing amazingly impatient as he waited for her to arrive. Eventually, she was pushed in by one of the guards and his chamber doors were shut, as if they were preventing her escape - but why would she want to escape him?

"Where have you been? I sent for you a long time ago." He didn't even bother to look back at her.

"Nowhere." She said to her feet.

"That's a lie." He said coolly.

"I d-don't think it is wise for us to..." She stuttered. "For us to, continue with your...sessions."

He turned his head slowly to look at her, growing worried yet furious by her sudden change of heart. "It is not for you to think whether my business is wise or not." She was about to speak, but he cut her off. "And when I call for you, I expect you to arrive within minutes - not hours."

"Commodus..." She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes as she tried to speak. "Commodus, I..."

He raised his hand to silence her and returned to his window-gazing. "I thought you liked me."

"What?" She was unsure about why he said this. "Of course I like you..."

"Don't lie." He shouted. "You're a liar." He stood and walked over to her, looking at her deeply in the eyes closing the space between them. "I thought you loved me."

"I do love y..." Tears were staining her cheeks now.

"Shh. You're hurting me." He walked away from her slowly and sat on his bed. "You are behaving oddly. I know something has changed."

"Please." She begged him to listen to her.

"Please what? You?" He was wounded and he wanted her to know it.

"A man held a knife to my throat today. He told me to stay clear of you." She feared for her life as she spurted out to words weakly.

"Don't lie." He yelled it with the fire of a phoenix and backhandedly hit her. She fell to the floor and curled into a ball as if protecting herself as his enraged face was washed with realisation of what he had done. They were even. "I'm sorry." He composed himself and helped to sit her up as she sobbed into his body. She clung onto his robes as if she were frantic that they should not be parted again. He rested his chin on her head and felt a kind of intimacy and closeness he had never shared with anyone before - it was a real hug, a full one. He kissed her hair and rocked her slightly trying to calm her hysteria.

"They told me they would kill me if I did not stay away from you." She snivelled.

"Who said this?" He asked.

"The man with the knife." She could not believe he wasn't following the story.

"No." He laughed slightly under his breath. "Who was the man with the knife."

"I don't know." She confessed. "He had his back to me."

"Did you not see his face or garments?" He questioned her gently.

"No, he had his back to me." She repeated. "Commodus, I was so scared..."

"I promise that as long as you are in my company, nothing will happen to you. I promise."


	7. Chapter 7: Guilt

Mars

Chapter 7: Guilt

He spent that night with her as well but the grounds of the sex were not of passion, but of guilt. He felt ashamedly guilty that his selfishness was the cause of her pain and threats on her life. As he moved on top of her all he could think of in his head was the fact she could have died and it was his fault - how many times did she risk her life for him? A nauseating feeling built up in the pit of his stomach, but he refused to mention anything for fear of her thinking he was nauseated about doing some work in the bedroom for once and actually seeing her face during it.

He lay beside her once they had finished and turned his head away, refusing to look at her. He felt dirty and evil, although he never wanted to hurt anyone - all he wanted was to love and be loved, but he could not accomplish either task. Commodus the ignorant.

She sensed a change in his attitude and so leaned over to him and kissed his cheek. He winced as if burned, deeply offending her.

Again it was he who was first to wake as he did not even sleep. He dressed himself and left a note telling her to remain in his chambers where she would be safe - he would see to it. He walked nervously over to his gazing window and let the contents of his stomach empty upon the roads below, much to the citizens dislike, which burned the back of his throat. He would have to end it, he knew.

He decided to spend the day alone in the study where he poured over old texts telling him of his ancestors and the gladiatorial games and stayed in there until the bright blue sky was covered with a starry navy mantle. It was then he took his cue to leave, not bothering to say anything to the people he passed as he rushed to his room nor stopping to eat, which he did not even notice he had forgotten to do.

Lucilla, however, spent her day with Lucius, teaching him the ins and outs of writing on parchment. He thrived in the joy of growing in wisdom and every time he managed to get something right he was awarded with a hug and kiss from his mother which he returned with a toothy grin to show his enjoyment.

"How do you feel now you have managed to write your own story?" She smiled stroking his hair.

"I wish I could write more." He sighed.

"There's time." She kissed his cheek. "We must take this to father's study - it will be safe there and preserved for future generations."

"Can I show uncle?" He begged, pulling at her dress.

"Of course. Do you know where he is?" She rolled up the story and handed it to her beloved son.

"He's in the study. I saw him running in there this morning - I haven't heard him come out." He never seemed to care when bad things were happening.

Lucilla's face grew grim as bleak realisation that her brother had slipped into one of his frequent bouts of depression set in. Whenever he spent the day locked in the study, it was because he was terrifically troubled and was searching for the ways others dealt with problems of a similar nature. She grabbed her son's hand and began to walk quickly to the study, him being unable to keep up.

"What's wrong mother? Why are you dragging me?" He tried to resist her pulling.

"We just have to see what's wrong with your uncle - he'll be desperate to read your story." She opened the door and to her dismay - he was gone. He had obviously realised it was night. "Oh, he must be off to bed." She faked joy and picked Lucius up. "Let's put this on one of the shelves." She walked to each row searching for a space for the small piece of literature the small boy held. Eventually they found a space amongst her father's philosophical works and Lucius placed it gently there.

"Is there anything wrong with you mother?" Lucius asked as she set him down.

"No, why do you ask?" She kneeled to look at him at face level.

"Uncle Commodus looked worried when I told him you cried." He looked away.

"How do you know I cry?" She didn't like the idea of her son seeing her at her weakest.

"I hear you." He placed a hand on her cheek to show he cared about her.

"I just miss your father." She pulled him into a hug and kissed his forehead afterwards. "Now let's get you off to bed."

Commodus had just left the study twenty seconds before Lucilla entered it. As he reached his door he stopped, hesitant about entering and cursing her more with his immense bad luck. He turned away instead and sat cross legged on the floor like a boy staring simply at the threshold.

"Why are you on the floor?" Asked Lucilla stooping behind him and laying a hand upon his tense shoulder.

"I am thinking." He replied.

"You are always thinking. It will give you a headache." She teased.

"It doesn't matter." She sensed there was something wrong within him.

"Ignorance is bliss, brother." She kissed his cheek much like the way Amorina did, which seemed to warm the whole side of his face; making him smile slightly. He was a million miles away and still he could not shake the feeling of disgust and blame that had been haunting him throughout the whole, long day. His isolation returned along with his nail biting and he wished himself dead.

"What have you done?" She was troubled.

"Why do you always assume I have done wrong?" He inquired.

"Because that is always the case when you sit on the floor and I know you." She told him.

"You know me." It made him laugh very slightly. "But do you love me?"

"I will always love you, you are my brother." She assured him.

"So you love me because you have to." It shattered his illusions of company.

"I love you because I love you - how can there be an ulterior motive?" She was always the wiser of the two. "Now, go to bed."

"I love you." He looked at her. "You are the light."

"And I love you - you are my strength." They both stood and said goodnight with a hug, leaving Commodus to enter his room.

Amorina lay sleeping upon the bed, completely innocent with her blonde waves flowing behind her. He smirked, walked over to her and climbed into the sheets next to her, wrapping his arms around her. She was freezing cold, freezing cold and lifeless.

His breath caught in his throat and he jumped back, pulling her over onto her back. Her once bright blue eyes stared grey and emptily at the world beyond his. Bruises lay across her neck and he darkened. A sudden eruption of tears exploded from his eyes as he howled in a lament to the only woman who ever said she loved him, despite the fact deep down he knew he did not love her. He kissed her lips trying to awake her but to no avail, so he simply closed her eyes and cradled her stiff body until the sun decided to return once more, if it ever would.


	8. Chapter 8: The Wrath Within

Mars

Chapter 8: The Wrath Within

"I will kill whoever did this." Growled the prince, staring at each member of the senate.

The sun rose to begin another relentless déjà vu, which was when Lucius decided to pay a visit to his uncle with his story. He found him cradling a corpse bestowing kisses on it's blue lips, making him scream and flee from the room in search of his mother. Lucilla responded with a sprint to her brother and took a good hour or so to talk him around the fact that she was dead. The realisation sat in when she slapped him and he burst into tears claiming he had 'inspired a villain to kill an innocent girl'. Two maidens were called in and immediately removed the body whilst Commodus hugged into his sister drowning her in his salt laden tears in the corner. He was cheered slightly by his young nephew's voice reciting his tale and telling him jokes.

Then he called a meeting with the senators and stared each one in the eye, telling them the story of how he found her and the facts of her innocence. "I will kill whoever did this." He finished.

"I am sorry, sire, for your loss - but she was only one girl." Reasoned one of the younger senators.

"One girl is still one life!" Snapped Commodus, astounded by his calm approach to the matter. "Someone died last night, someone innocent and the murderer must be punished!"

"But who would have reason to target a whore?" Questioned Gracchus.

"She was more than a whore, she was my lover." The prince confessed.

"She was nothing but a roll in bed whenever you felt a bit amorous" Another of the senators pitched in, increasing the wrath within Commodus.

"I didn't ask you to understand." He compressed his rage. "I am merely stating that we must find the villain and have him punished, do you not agree Gracchus?"

"Of course I do." Gracchus smirked.

Gracchus was on the top of Commodus' suspect list. Out of everyone in Rome, it was Gracchus and Lucilla who saw he and Amorina together, so they were the culprits. It could not have been Lucilla, as she did not care who he slept with. Gracchus, however, was not keen on the heir to the throne and had constantly tried to take away his power. He did not think Gracchus had squeezed the life out of her himself, but had hired some sort of hit man to do the dirty work for him - it was unlike Gracchus to stain his hands with blood manually.

"Good. Then I would like any confessions within the next two days and I would also be grateful if everyone would keep a sharp eye for any peculiar goings on." He let his gaze wander onto every man in the room, making them all shift about uncomfortably. "Now, if you will excuse me, I have matters to attend to."

He stormed out of the room like a fell gust of wind swept up from hell itself. He felt as though something had crushed his chest and he struggled to breathe as he collapsed on the ground behind a pillar. He held his head tightly and looked at the floor as the drips from his ducts fell upon the marble in a remorseful silent song. He felt so foolish - she had no real attachment to him and yet whenever he thought of her face, her skin and what it was like to touch her, tears sprang forth and his heart ripped a tiny bit more. He kept picturing her eyes staring lifelessly into his and the coldness of her blood; like frozen water. He screamed to vent his pent up anger and frustration, then banged his head against the pillar, making him scream again, but this time in pain. He wasn't used to grieving and was unsure of why he idiotically decided to cleave his skull in, but luckily he did not feel tired or dizzy, so he shook off the pain and decided he was alright.

"I wish I had not hit her." He whispered to the darkness. It might have been the concussion talking, but he could almost hear the shadows whispering back to him, telling him his life would go on and worse things would happen, making him feel a bit more depressed.

"Don't worry Commodus, it gets easier." Said Lucilla in his memory, she had said the words only hours ago.

He remembered what it was like when Lucilla lost her husband. He had never liked Lucius to begin with - he hated the thought of this mere mortal touching his sister and violating her body and vowed that if he ever harmed Lucilla in any way, he would rip out his tongue and eyes and feed them to the carrion. But nevertheless, Lucilla felt something for the man and so he bit his own tongue whenever he had a nasty or snide word to say.

Thus, when he reached his untimely end Lucilla was heartbroken and the only man who was there to comfort her was not her father, nor her old flame, but her brother - Commodus, who slept by her every night and took on the paternal duties of raising her son, without complaint, for he loved his sister dearly.

All in all it took her a year to mourn him and even more for Lucius, but Commodus would always stand by her side and show her the joy he experienced in order to heal her shattered heart. Would things be the same now? Would Lucilla stand by her brother and fulfil the needs Amorina once took care of? It was impossible, they could not love in such a way for it was immoral.

But if Lucilla were willing to listen to him, to hug him when he was tormented by his demons, then maybe, just maybe, he could survive this. Happiness would not be unattainable surely? He had been fighting for happiness and love and a sense of belonging since he was born. He was forever shunned and cast aside for books and Spaniards, but he could be happy - he had to be.

However, for now, he would relish the pain he had sorely come to love, that would be with him until the end of his days and evermore.


	9. Chapter 9: Pieces

Mars

Chapter 9: Pieces

For two years he yearned for Amorina and for two years he mourned, seeing her ghost in his dreams as they kissed each other's bare flesh. Her body was burned, but Commodus did not attend, saying 'I cannot bear to witness flames other than my own ravishing her.' He spent many of his days confined to the palace, drinking wine and day dreaming about his Utopia. It would have been he and Amorina in the Emperor's balcony in the Colosseum, but now it would be he and Lucilla, as the nightmare of life was forcing him to accept his isolation and loneliness. He knew he did not love her, but that could not stop the feeling that one day he could have loved her and if he had been given the chance he may have married her, having only a years difference between them in age.

They never found the killer, but Commodus was content with the fact she was spared the cruelness he had found within the world.

He would receive visits from his sister and his nephew, which gave him more cheer than he could have thought possible, making him feel warm inside.

Besides missing his lover he also missed his father dearly, writing letters telling him of all that had happened, but refusing to send them, saying they were his thoughts to the father he wished he had. Gracchus had not tormented him any further and the senate were surprisingly understanding of his grief and would recurrently discuss plans for the Empire once he was in charge. He had not however, revealed his plans for his games nor the most perfect features of the future giving him self-satisfaction that he was the only one who knew the full story.

On one occasion he returned to the streets and handed out loafs of bread to hungry citizens who could tell him the Greek name for Hercules, needless to say he did not give out a great deal as most of the people did not care for the Greek language. But he was happy to give the losers half a loaf to feed their children. It gave him a sense of worth, like he mattered.

Every day brought a new argument that was resolved as quickly as it started, but Commodus loved arguments, so it meant no hassle to him. All in all his life was just an endless string of repetitive sympathy from people who would kill him as soon as worship him, but it would all change once he was emperor - for he would make the people love him!

"Commodus, father has sent us a letter." Said Lucilla walking into his chamber. He was lying face down pretending to be asleep, but Lucilla knew he was awake, she always knew. "Commodus, get up." She hit the bare soles of his feet whilst sitting at the foot of the bed to prove a point, so he moaned as he sat up beside her.

"A letter, how splendid. We have not heard from him in two years and he has sent us a letter." He said sarcastically, resting his head on his sister's shoulder.

"Do not be sarcastic. It says he wishes to see us and the Senate immediately and that we must leave at dawn tomorrow." She recited it exactly the way he imagined his father saying it - he really was that boring.

"Must we?" He was not one for travelling and did not like the thought of spending two weeks on the road constantly heading to Germania, a dank and dark country he had heard of.

"Yes, we must. I have been invited too." She felt proud that her father sent for her as normally he only addressed the males as she was not that important.

"Well, that should make the trip a bit more bearable." He smiled, kissing her hand. Lucilla and Lucius were the only ones who were truly there for him during his pain, and he was grateful that they cared. "Will dear Lucius be accompanying us?"

"I am afraid not, he made a point of noting it. I'll have to leave him in remaining Senator's care." She did not like the thought of leaving her son behind, but knew it was what she had to do.

"He'll be alright. Father will make sure of that." He assured her. "At dawn tomorrow?"

"Yes." She answered him, she was not looking forward to it either.

"Then I suppose I shall have to prepare myself with sleep." He joked, longing for a nap of some sorts as his sleep patterns had changed drastically since she died.

Lucilla kissed his forehead and left the room, so he lay his head upon his pillow and closed his eyes. It was pointless though as he could never sleep midweek and now it was Autumn it was even harder. But nevertheless he amazingly got to sleep, for an hour or so.

In his dream he was in a field. Vast expanses of tall grass stretched out in every direction as far as the eye could see and they were so high they towered above his head. He heard distant calling from gulls and the sea, begging him to find them.

He smiled and began to run towards the calling, but he tripped and fell into a hole. And fall he did, he did not hit the bottom for a good long while and when he did he was in yet another field of exactly the same sort. This time he was not alone, he saw a man walking away from him.

"Excuse me!" He shouted. The man did not reply. He began to follow him, but as his pace quickened so did the man's. Eventually he caught up with him and panted trying to get his breath back. He laid a hand upon the stranger's shoulder and when he turned he realised the man was not a stranger at all, it was a face he knew all too well. "Maximus." He whispered. It was Maximus and upon his head he wore the reef of the emperor. Commodus stepped back in shock and put a hand to his neck and when he removed it and looked down he saw a horrific sight - his hand was covered in blood, black blood and his neck was sliced open. Maximus smiled and held up a dagger in front of his eyes slick with the blood from his throat. "Maximus" He heard a crowd of people chanting the name "Maximus...Maximus...Maximus."


	10. Chapter 10: Leaving

Mars

Chapter 10: Leaving

He awoke in a cold sweat - Maximus? It was a name and a face he had erased from his memory a long time ago and had not heard of since. Maximus? He was puzzled as to why the Spaniard would enter his dreams without permission, it was no secret he was not fond of him, but he did try to befriend him, countless times; if not for the peace then at least to please his father.

It was barely light, the moon remained in the sky and the air was cool, obviously overpowering the sun to take it's place as the ruler of Autumn and Winter. It was then he remembered he had to leave at dawn, which could not be far away.

The first thing he did was to wash himself in a bath his sister ordered to be drawn in time for his awakening. The water was chilly but he managed to cleanse anyway. All the while his dream repeated itself in his mind. "Maximus?" He whispered.

"Sorry, sire?" Asked the young girl who washed his back, snapping him out of his trance.

"Nothing." He shook his head and gripped her wrist. "I'm clean."

She nodded and left him to his hypnosis. "Maximus?" He repeated the name, completely at a loss as to where he had popped up from. "Of course!" The recognition swept in; he was commanding the battle in Germania. It was obviously his subconscious telling him he would be seeing him, but the dagger - where did that come from?

He felt shaken, almost scared that perhaps he would be assassinated. Was that why his father had sent for him? Because he wanted to name him successor and would this displease Maximus, pushing him to the edge to slay the new emperor? Not a chance, he felt confident he could conquer Maximus. He understood he had not had a lot of practise in battle, but the soldiers he would hire to protect him would. But what if they were loyal to the general and the senate was backing him? He shuddered to think of what could happen to him.

He stepped out of the water and wrapped cloth around his naked torso in a lazy attempt to dry himself, and when he was satisfied he was dry enough, he clothed himself.

Maximus would not dare to kill the emperors son, it was absurd surely? He needed to set his mind at rest so told himself time after time that he would be safe. As for the black blood? He did not have a clue where that came from either.

The field was obviously a shroud of mystery that would be surrounding Maximus' motives, so he felt confident that he understood that aspect. He shook off the doubt like a dog shaking off water and exited the room, Lucilla would have prepared everything they needed for the journey.

Two weeks on the road? What was he to do, to talk about? He hated the fact he would be travelling as he detested travelling itself. Two weeks? It takes an awfully long time to get to this country.

He decided that as he neared the end of the road he would inform Lucilla of his plans for the empire if she agreed that he was truly dying and naming Commodus his successor. She would be thrilled, she loved the testosterone and blood that filled her senses during the games. At least he thought she did.

"Ah, Lucius." He kneeled in front of his nephew to say his goodbyes.

"I wish I could go - I would very much like to see the world." He frowned. Commodus lifted his chin and stared him in the eyes.

"You will get your chance." he embraced him and left him with his mother so she might weep her goodbyes; she hated being separated from him.

They were on the road before the day had officially begun and no people loitered around on the street. Lucilla looked beautiful in her ice-blue coat and ice-white skin. Commodus felt proud she was his sister.

"Two weeks. Do you think we'll stop at any time?" He asked her.

"Of course, unless you can survive two weeks without food, water and waste." She enlightened him.

"Of course." He felt stupid for even asking. "What do you think he wants?"

"He probably wants us to witness the victories of Rome." She yawned, still tired.

"Victories. The greatness of Rome." Now he was speaking in riddles, which annoyed Lucilla - he was so cynical and pessimistic.

"Yes." She snapped him out of his mumbled ravings. "I am more concerned with what we will do to occupy ourselves."

"I know." He replied. "Perhaps we could play a game? When we were young we played the guessing game."

"The guessing game..." She remembered it. She invented it to keep her and her brother from boredom when they were ignored for greater matters. "Alright. I am thinking of something beginning with H. Guess what it is."

"A Home? A head? A heart?" He spitted them all out quicker than he breathed. Lucilla shook her head. "A harp? A herald? A horse?"

"Yes." She smiled, he was never any good at the game, but it amused him and returned his happiness. He was still a boy at heart.

"Which one?" He furrowed his brow.

"A horse." She told him. "Your turn."

"Alright." He was always slow to think of things. "I'm thinking of a person beginning with M. Guess who it is."

"Marcus Aurelius." She guessed.

"No." He felt cunning and superior.

"Maria?" She guessed again. Maria was a servant girl who attended to Lucilla's chores.

"Nope. Better than that. I'll give you a clue." Clues were not part of the game, but he often gave them when he was winning. "It is a he, who we have not seen for a good long while.

She began to think. Then it dawned on her, but it could not be him? Why was Commodus thinking of him? "Maximus."

"Correct!" He grinned.

"This is getting boring, Commodus." She warned him.

"But we are just getting started." He retorted.

FIN


End file.
